So a Really Lost Pizza Guy
by Retrobution
Summary: ... gets stranded on Camp Half-Blood's beach, woken up by Clarisse's shoe, and a free horseback ride from Chiron. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians or My Little Pony**

**A/N: Chiron is probably OOC in this.****  
**  
Percy's POV:

Today it was my turn to do border patrol on the beach. Yippee (note the sarcasm.) Usually I wouldn't have minded since I love the beach, but today was different. There was a feeling in my gut that something was going to happen today on the beach. And I did not want to be in the middle of the crime scene. Somehow I always appear in the middle of it all. The Great Prophecy? That's me.

Gods, life can really suck. And guess what happened. The waves of the sea pulled me out of my thoughts. Usually it has a rhythmic pattern but this time it was different. The waves seemed to be pushing something away, and since it did that, the rhythmic pattern broke.

My head whipped to look towards the sea, and I zoomed my eyes as far as I could towards a figure. Without thinking I pulled out Riptide. Going forwards cautiously, the figure became clearer. But I still couldn't figure out what it was. Wait. Was that a human?

Why in Zeus' beard would a human be here? I had no idea but I capped Riptide and it returned back to pen form. I sprinted over to the guy, and checked his pulse. Well at least he was still alive.

Sighing, I heaved him in on my shoulders and nearly fell down from the weight. Still, I managed to take another few steps. And another. And all the while huffing and puffing like the wolf in the three little pigs, I slowly walked to the Big House.

I'd like to say that it was a peaceful ride. You know, no stares, and no 'what's that' on the way there. But like I said before, my life sucks. Campers were staring.

"What's that?" Katie Gardner questioned.

"Hey, Percy, does he need medical attention? I'm sure he's dying to have some because he really looks quite unwell," Will Solace remarked as he passed- desperately as I may as well add.

And last of all, well, we shouldn't forget our good friend Clarisse la Rue should we?

"Hey look!" Clarisse walked over with her group of lackeys. "Looks like the punk is finally getting his first friend!"

I ignored her and continued walking, pausing only to take short breaths. That was until Annabeth Chase came.

"Percy." Annabeth greeted with a grin, before she noticed the guy I was carrying. "What are you doing?"

"Now isn't really a good time." I took a few deep breaths. "This is really heavy. See ya around!"

I tried doing a wave. Bad mistake. The guy fell off my back and rolled on the ground. I think he might have even coughed a little bit.

Chiron came galloping over and stared at the guy who was currently being awakened by Clarisse's shoe. I winced as he started to wake up and come to his senses.

"Percy." Chiron said in an even tone. He smiled in a grimacing way but his eyes looked fakely enlightened- he must have heard the guy's shrieks by now. "Who's this?"

"Maybe he was sent by Ares?" I suggested weakly.

"Ah yes," he spoke wisely, noticing how the Ares campers were starting to beat him up- only Annabeth was trying to help the dude. "Better intervene now."

I could tell he was holding something back. There was a guarded look in his eye that could only mean one thing.

"Interrogation room?" I guessed.

He nodded, and for a second I wondered if he could ever grow a mane, before I snapped out of Percy Land. Luckily I didn't miss out on anything but his long awaited silence.

"Indeed my young demigod." He sighed. "Indeed."

And with that, he broke up the street fight between the guy and the brutes and galloped away with the guy on his back.

I was left having to walk there on my own.

* * *

Ever since the Great Prophecy had been set into motion when the key pawn had been put into place, Chiron had set up one room for any bad guys or suspects.

And that was the Interrogation Room.

Except it wasn't really like one.

See, when you're watching those TV shows you usually see these bad guys with handcuffs and scowls on their faces.

So, with that image in mind, I had no idea _why_ Chiron would even think to name this room what it supposedly looked like, because the guy was sitting in a comfy chair with a shawl wrapped around his shoulders and a mug of hot chocolate in his hands.

Walking in, I kindly reminded Chiron that this was summer, not winter, and that maybe, the guy would have liked the blue shawl better than the My Little Pony one.

"Right again, Percy." He smiled but his eyes seemed to glower at me as he changed the shawl and the drink.

Having changed into his wheelchair form, he wheeled into the table with his hands crossed.

"So." Chiron started, but was left with a dead end.

The guy merely cowered in fear, which was only fair, since seeing a dude with horse legs wasn't exactly... normal.

Meanwhile the tension still hung, thick in the air like the closed curtains that kept the room dark.

"So." I repeated, hoping the tension would break.

Nothing broke except for Chiron's eye contact with the dude- and that was only for a few seconds so that he could glare at me. Luckily, he finally continued to speak.

"I see that you have been in the camp through... Swimming?" Chiron questioned, looking below at his desk.

He must've watched too many crime shows or something, because I could see the disappointment in his eyes when he couldn't find any papers to shuffle.

I could see that the guy wanted to speak. Yet seeing how Chiron didn't get to interrogate many people- and seeing as he really wanted to mimic some sort of TV show, I decided to bring on the act of Good Cop Bad Cop. And I was the bad one.

So I merely smiled threateningly, while Chiron waited for a response.

After a few moments of silence, I decided to speak up. "Are we holding a moment of silence for someone or what?"

"Swimming yes!" The guy spoke immediately. He backtracked. "Actually, no."

His voice was high-pitched. Or maybe the effect of Clarisse's shoe had remained.

"Then, might I ask-"

"Go ahead!" He interrupted enthusiastically.

"-how did you arrive here?" Chiron finished.

All he did was pull out a note of sorts and gingerly put in on the table. It started to soak the recently ironed tablecloth. Chiron clenched his teeth, and I guessed that our roles had switched.

"I'll go freshen this up then," I mumbled to Chiron and he nodded.

I took the note and when it was out of the guy's sight, I dried it up.

"Hey, it's a map!" I declared.

Chiron snatched it from me. "Give me that."

He started to trace the map with his fingers and frowned. "So you work for-"

"Yes!"

Chiron frowned at the rude interruption. "So you are a pizza delivery man, yes?"

At least he got to finish his sentence this time.

"Yes!"

"And you are looking for this location?" Chiron pointed at a single dot in a weird shape.

"Yes!"

"Do you say anything other than yes?" I asked in annoyance.

"Yes!"

Chiron gave me one of his famous centaur nudges. I breathed in sharply as I heard the faintest of cracks on my ribs. Maybe Will could finally get a medical problem to attend to.

My eyes closed, and from a distance I could hear more questions and more one-word answers.

Huh. With every yes, his voice got deeper.

My eyes opened.

"Well, Mr. Skinner, you have reached your location." By now, Chiron didn't look amused anymore. "I'm assuming that your customers go by the last name Stoll?"

"No."

Wow. What a change.

"Actually their last names are, uh... Wayne and Grayson..."

Chiron clapped his hands. "Well, that about sums it up. You are free to go now."

"Um... Go where exactly?"

"To that couch over there. Mr. D will be here shortly."

"Mr. D...?"

Poor guy.

Said god came strutting in like he owned the place. He looked annoyed- more annoyed than usual. "State your business here mortal!"

"P-Pizza!" Mr. Skinner stammered.

Mr. D's eyes scanned him suspiciously. "Then where is the box?!" He shouted in an outrage.

My role as the Bad Cop was officially over now that someone else has snatched it from me.

"B-But it's gone- it has to be somewhere in the ocean now!"

"So?!" Mr. D scorned nastily.

And that pretty much ended their conversation. Mr. D started to shoo the mortal out of the Interrogation Room and back at the beach. The god of madness dug his fingers near the guy's eyes while closing his own. After chanting something about forgotten memories, he was released.

Mr. D walked away, while the mortal fell to the ground in the same condition he was in when he first arrived.

I should've just pushed him into the ocean and prayed to my dad to help him find the pizza box, but chances were: he would drown and join the pizza box _and_ the Titanic down there.

But since I was such a nice guy I carried him on my shoulders and started to walk to the camp borders.

Unlike last time, I never did attempt to wave, even though Clarisse started to wave mockingly across my face- trying to get me to drop the guy again.

Ignoring her, I quickly called a cab from the dude's phone and dropped him off. When I saw the familiar yellow car I used my shoe to wake the guy up.

"Wha... What..."

For a second I thought he was doing some beat boxing because he was sputtering and trying to talk at the same time.

The taxi driver looked at us weirdly before grinning awkwardly. I stared at him.

"Is this place a forest or a _forest_?" The taxi driver commented.

I finally got the gist of what he meant. From my slightly sweaty appearance from carrying the guy, to his own disheveled appearance and-

"No! That's not-"

But they were already off into the real world. Walking back to camp, I clenched my fists.

The Stolls never did get their pizza.

And they might never even eat it again.


End file.
